In a relationship, are there really arguments that you should avoid having with your significant other? It’s hard to avoid conflicts in a relationship. Two people who both came from different backgrounds and were raised with different views and ideals, will clash once in a while. Relationship experts state that there are some unhealthy arguments that a couple should avoid having. I’m using the word unhealthy because there are also arguments that are considered as healthy. Healthy arguments are those types that help the couple grow more closer to one another instead of being resentful, distant, and still feeling misunderstood or unheard.
Watch out for these types of arguments:
- VICTIM AND AGGRESSOR
One person will be the victim while the other one will be the aggressor. The one who plays the victim will start to feel helpless and abused in the long run, if this line is familiar to you, “You are so mean and hurtful towards me! I have done nothing wrong to ever deserve this!” then you may be playing the victim. The aggressor would usually belittle the victim more. The victim will feel small, unimportant, and insecure about his or her stand in the relationship.
The victim can harbor feelings of resentment and this can slowly kill the love between the two of them. The aggressor may feel that he or she is always frustrated dealing with the victim.
- SELECTIVE DISCUSSION
You or your partner may opt to leave or not discuss a certain topic than have an argument. The one who is doing the leaving will usually use the lines “I have nothing more to say.” or “Yeah, I agree with you. Can we stop talking about this?” He or she may say that he or she agrees but you can clearly see in their actions that they don’t. This type of behavior blocks the passage of communication between the couple, doesn’t promote healing and understanding, and could build resentment between the two of them.
The other party who wants to discuss may also start to feel unimportant and unheard, while one who just leaves the conversation will slowly feel that he or she isn’t part of the relationship anymore. The truth is he or she usually wants to speak up and be heard too, but they are most likely trying to avoid bring the conflict or the topic to a bigger scale.
- BEING TOO DEFENSIVE
You could be guilty of this, or your partner could be. But whoever it is, avoid being too defensive. Usually when a person feels that he or she is under attack, the automatic reaction would be to defend himself or herself. You will refuse to take responsibility on the issue at hand. You will have to make a conscious effort to break the cycle, it may be hard since being defensive is a natural response. Think about what you want to get from the discussion before starting it.
There’s such a thing as too much criticism, which can lead to hurtful personal comments. Usually when this happens, the relationship is at it’s breaking point. Stop resorting to verbal abuse. Take some time to calm down and find a much better way to express your point. You don’t need to attach criticism at every sentence that you say to your partner.
Some people refer to this as contempt. Contempt refers to the feeling that someone or something is not worthy of any respect or approval.
I know that arguments are messy but the realistic way to really fix relationships would be to talk it out. If you still want the relationship to work, you will have to find a way for the communication between the two of you work. Communication, respect, and forgiveness is important in a relationship. Just as important as love is! Before getting into an argument, ask yourself: can I let this one slide? Do I really have to argue about this with my partner?
If this article has helped you, feel free to subscribe here at Kendrickk Superstarr Youngg! You can browse around our website for more articles like this one. If you have a question or you want to talk, you can drop a comment or send us a message! Have a great day!