How Many Dates Before A Relationship

A reader asked: “How many dates should we have before going into an exclusive relationship?” What does it mean when a couple say they are in an exclusive relationship? An exclusive relationship can be easily understood because of the word exclusive. It means there is no one else. The couple are only seeing each other, that’s it. To be in an exclusive relationship means that you are officially in the girlfriend and boyfriend stage. This is usually attained after going on a couple of dates or if you’ve actually known a person.



Personally, I wouldn’t allow myself to be in an exclusive relationship without knowing the person fully well. Having a boyfriend or a girlfriend entails a whole new world of responsibilities, you will have to be there for him or her, go with him or her, plus they can demand things from you such as your time, letting people such as your family and friends know about them, you can’t date other people, etc. But there are also a lot of benefits when you go exclusive. You always have someone to be there for you, listen to you, care for you, hang out with, and just simply have fun with. An exclusive relationship is steady and secure. It allows peace of mind for both parties that they are only seeing each other and no one else.




Back to the question of how many dates, well, I guess it really depends on the persons involved doesn’t it? I know of a cousin of a friend who dated a lot of men before, all of which didn’t work out so when Greg (let’s call him that shall we) started showing signs of wanting to be in a relationship with her, she made the decision. He texted her all the time, called her all the time, and asked to see her all the time. Greg wanted to know her better, and she responded by saying yes to be his girlfriend immediately. You might think that she got tired of all the boyfriends she had in the past, that may be so, but she reasoned that being in a relationship with someone is the perfect way to get to know a person. When a couple is stuck in the stage of courtship, they tend to put their best foot forward which hinders you really getting to know the person. Am I right? Now, I am not sure if they knew each other before they began to exclusively date or not, but if they didn’t then she took a big risk. Lucky for her, it ended up great for they are married now and have two kids.




Meanwhile, I had this friend who wanted to take it really slow so she made the guy wait for three years. They went out on dates and it was really just the label that was missing from the picture. Just when she was about to agree to an exclusive relationship, the guy bailed on her and dated somebody else. Of course, my friend was disappointed and heartbroken. She then learned that no matter how long you let a guy court you, you can’t truly know them. I guess, it was great that she didn’t say yes to him immediately. Maybe he also got tired of waiting. I mean, three years? Come on. The next boyfriend she had took the wheel and courted her, then after a few months, he asked her the question to be his girlfriend. She said yes.



The point here is you say yes to a relationship if you are comfortable of saying yes already. The best thing to do would be to get to know the person first but as I said, in courtship we tend to put our best foot forward so that could be a little hindrance. Listen to your instincts and if something seems to be amiss with the person, delay it. Your gut could be telling you something and you need to listen.



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Nice Guys Finish Last Meaning

What does it mean when people say nice guys finish last? This phrase has started to get pretty viral over the years, but does it actually possess a greater context that we actually need to take into consideration? Let us attempt to get a better understanding of what the phrase actually means.



When you come across this phrase, it is important to not take it literally. The main, if not, only use of this phrase is when referring to the stages and progression of courtship and the different types of men that women come across. It is generally understood that in courtship there are two basics kinds of guys, the good guys, and the bad guys. These are pretty self-explanatory in their own right.



The “good guys” are the types of guys that hold the door open for you and give you chocolates and flowers on valentines and are generally regarded to be thoughtful, respectful, and kind to the women they pursue. They commonly also dress presentably and are usually the kind of guys you’d go on to introduce to your family and take to gatherings. They normally also conform to standards of society and don’t really have too many qualities you can take a pick at.


On the other hand, the bad guys are exactly what you’d expect. They typically are known to be quite insensitive and apathetic, foregoing all the flowery stages of courtship. They are also generally considered to be rude and just not really care about others along with most other things associated with being a “bad guy”. While they may not necessarily actually be bad people, they are usually associated with having bad habits, attitudes, or the overall image of how they dress being more rebellious-looking and usually are questionable choices to take to meet your parents. They are also commonly known to be more defiant of society’s standards and cultural norms and have a tendency to be more frowned upon.



The irony associated with the phrase “Nice guys finish last” is that the bad guys are usually the ones who end up being more successful with women compared to the nice guys. Surprisingly, this is actually a common occurrence. To this day there isn’t necessarily a concrete scientific explanation regarding why this happens a lot, though there are a few factors we can consider when trying to understand why this has turned into the almost widely accepted phrase it has become today.




For some, they usually associate the “bad guys” or “bad boys” having a greater appeal with the younger women as they are generally considered to be the ones that want to live life to the extreme. And in most cases, they feel they can find this with being with the “bad boys”, who are generally understood to be more outgoing and rebellious, thus living the more exciting lifestyle on the edge compared to the nice guys, who are also generally more understood to be more laid back and unwilling to take too many risks. Some women comment that being with nice guys is boring and too predictable. It lacks that spark that keeps the adrenaline going. There’s no challenge being with a nice guy, or so they say. I guess when you are young, you are looking for excitement not settling down, consistency, and reliability.


In the end though, it is also the bad guys who break women’s hearts.



Hence, we come to the phrase nice guys finish last. Where we can now conclude that the nicer, mature guys have a better tendency to be successful with the girls they pursue in the end because by this time, both parties have matured and have gone through most of the thrills and frills of life and choose to settle down with a more objective relationship with more realistic long term-goals (this is not to say that “bad boys” are unable to provide this, but it is generally a more common occurrence.). What do you think?



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How To Get Rid Of Jealousy In A Relationship

Once or twice we may have felt the little green monster called “jealousy” rearing it’s head into our peaceful lives causing havoc and misunderstanding between you and your special someone in a relationship, so if you are interested in knowing how to get rid of it, here is a short article how.




But first, here let us get to define the word jealousy. What is it really? Is what you are feeling truly jealousy? When you are jealous, you feel threatened, comparing yourself to someone you think is superior to you. When you are jealous, you feel like you are going to lose your signifant other to someone else.




Personally when I feel jealous, I lose the appetite to eat, I lose sleep, and I also can’t seem to sit still. I want to keep moving and walking around. All I’m doing is thinking about the possibilities or situations in which I could lose my signifant other. As I said above, jealousy is the fear of losing our partners so we think about it and think about it.



A little jealousy is healthy since it is normal to feel afraid of losing something or someone we value but too much jealousy is bad for our relationship and also for ourselves. When we feel jealous, our body activates the body’s stress response. You may experience an increase in heart rate, an elevated blood pressure, poor appetite, increased cortisol (the stress hormone), sleeping problems, and even depression.




The best thing to do would be to learn how to get rid of them or if you can’t at least manage them in a healthy way. You don’t have to let the little green monster rule your life. Here are some techniques that you could try:




• DON’T DO ANYTHING RASH ESPECIALLY IF YOUR FEELINGS OF JEALOUSY ARE HIGH. You might say or do something that you will regret. Let yourself feel jealous but don’t do anything about it. Internalize the possible reason why you feel jealous and if you really have a reason to feel that way. Most of the time feelings of jealousy could have been triggered by an event.




• IF IT BOTHERS YOU SO MUCH, be ready to talk to your partner about it. Do the rational thing and talk it out. Let your partner know that you have been feeling jealous but don’t say it in a way that is accussing to your partner. Most of the time, our partners are clueless that you are already feeling jealous of something or someone. If you are not dating someone or you don’t have an exclusive agreement with someone but you feel jealous, then it may be best to keep it to yourself or distance yourself for a bit. Things might get awkward if you bring it up to them when you aren’t dating each other.






• REFRAIN FROM OVERTHINKING AS IT ALMOST ALWAYS LEADS YO TROUBLE. If you haven’t talked it out with your significant other yet, please do every thing in your power to refrain from overthinking. Humans have this tendency to think of the worst in a situation whether we like to or not. Science says it is a way of protecting ourselves.




• BE CLEAR WITH YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS. What are your limitations with other people? What made you feel jealous? Was he or she really paying more attention to another person than you? Communication is always the key. I know it can be scary to talk it over and to spill your vulnerabilities but talking to your partner can be a way of solving things or misunderstandings. Talking about things also opens the door for your significant other to reassure you of their love and commitment. Maybe then at the end of the day you will come to realize that you were jealous about nothing.




Jealousy may be a little hard to manage especially if it is your first time dealing with it but it is pretty manageable. And no worries, I believe we have all done some pretty stupid, reckless things when we felt jealous. I know I have back in college. Jealousy can almost be instantly relieved by hearing our significant other’s reassurances and sweet nothings. It is a great feeling when we are sure of our partner’s feelings and commitment for us.



Be careful though! As I said above, too much jealousy can be destructive. If you don’t know how to manage it well, your partner might feel like you don’t trust him or her. Don’t be with your partner if you can’t trust him or her. It might also indicate that you have a low self esteem which isn’t exactly a good thing. Keep in mind that if your partner wanted to be in a relationship with someone else, they would grab their things and leave you.




Again, communicate with your partner and let them know the things they are doing to make you feel jealous. It is okay to feel jealous by the little things. I used to feel jealous when my partner would like a selfie of someone she dated in the past. Silly, I know. I just keep reminding myself that she is with me now and that is what matters.




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Importance Of Affection In A Relationship

Readers, let’s talk about the importance of affection in a relationship – romantically or not. What is affection? According to Meriam-Webster, affection is the feeling of liking and caring for someone or something. It could also mean having a certain fondness with someone like your parents or spouse.





Personally, it feels good to be in a relationship with someone who is affectionate. It is such a nice feeling to be cared for. How do people show affection? Is affection important to a man as it is to a woman? Let’s focus on affection between a man and a woman. Affection within families is important and I think everyone already knows that children enjoy having affectionate parents. However, sometimes in a relationship it can be different. How so? I’ve heard of couples who aren’t affectionate with each other but they show their love to each other in a different way. Does this mean that a romantic relationship can survive without affection?



If I personally answer that question, my answer would be no. Affection is not about what happens between the sheets but it is about what happens out of the sheets. How do we show affection? It is by holding hands, giving back rubs or hand massages, kissing on the lips or cheeks, hugging, and holding or cuddling. According to a study, a relationship without afffection is less satisfactory compared to a relationship with high affection between the couple. Some even went to say that the level of  affection in a relationship is directly proportional with how satisfied you will be in a relationship.



Curious, I asked some friends who were in a relationship about how important affection was in  their relationship. Note that the names have been changed.



“Oh, for me and Jim… it is not that important. We don’t hold hands… sometimes we hug but not really, personally I am not a hugger. I also do not enjoy being touched. There is just this mutual understanding between us that we love each other and we like each other enough to be hanging out. We have been going out for 6 years now… I think that says a lot. So no, I don’t believe affection is that important in a relationship. I love Jim. I really do. We broke up a few times and every time, I realize that there’s no guy out there for me.” A pause. “I think it really depends on the two people who are in the relationship if they’re affectionate or not. I don’t know if Jim wants me to be more affectionate since he had never bought it up but he knows me. He knows I ain’t the touchy type. Yes, we have sex once in a while. It’s not a regular thing. Somehow, my being not affectionate gives him some kind of assurance that I won’t cheat on him.” – Hannah, 24 year old.



“Yes, of course affection is important. It makes me feel assured that my boyfriend is still in love with me. I like hugs and holding hands. A little smack on the lips won’t hurt. Doing a little PDA outside the house also subtly announces to the world that we are both taken and crazy in love with each other. A couple who doesn’t touch or hug or kiss is just weird for me. Are you even together? Are you just friends who disguise yourselves as a couple so you won’t be subjected to looks of pity or to cringy blind dates? I think my boyfriend likes to be hugged and given back massages too. Boys like to be “babied” every now and then.” – Sarah, 27 year old.




In the end, is the importance of affection dependent on the personalities of those in a relationship? I guess so. Staying together or choosing to stay together could be another sign of affection. It is not all about touch. Affection could be wanting to be with that certain person at the end of a stressful day, or preferring their company over anybody elses. Affection could also be thinking of the other person and what they need before they need it. For example, a girlfriend who is having a rough day because of her period may be in need of a lower back massage or some chocolates so you give her coupons for a spa treatment. That could still be counted as affection.



You see, how a person grows up has a lot of influence on how he or she was brought up. If the child was raised by parents who were affectionate with each other and with the child, he or she will grow up thinking that affection between people who care about each other is normal. It is a way of knowing that you are loved. You pair that up with a child who grew up with less affectionate people and that could be a problem in a relationship. It will then be decided by the two involved in the relationship if the affectionate person is willing to compromise and understand that the other is not a showy individual or if the less affectionate person is willing to slowly allow himself or herself to show affection that could satisfy the other party.



To those who are in a relationship with a person who is less affectionate than you are, no worries! Studies show that loyalty or the willingness to commit or stay in the relationship is also a sign of affection. So if he or she is still together with you or prefers you over anyone else, he or she loves you. If you find yourself feeling unsatisfied with your relationship and would like your partner to be more affectionate, don’t break up but instead talk it out. He or she may be thinking that you are okay with the current level of affection when you aren’t really. Tell him or her that being a little more affectionate helps you feel more secure in the relationship.



So what do you think about the Importance Of Affection In A Relationship? It would be great to hear what you have to say in the comments. If you want more topics such as this, be sure to subscribe to us here at Kendrickksuperstarryoungg! To show our affection, we are sending you a virtual hug! Hug! Don’t forget to leave a comment down below or send us a message. We would love to hear from you. Have an awesome weekend!


The Only Relationship Goal You And Your Partner Needs

Nowadays we often see posts about #relationshipgoals in our social media feed, but what is the only relationship goal you and your partner needs? Goals are fun. They help us keep our eyes on the price especially if you are an easily distractible person. Goals help us remember why we are doing what we are doing at the first place. What are some of the #RelationshipGoals that you have seen online:
The Only Relationship Goal You And Your Partner Needs The Only Relationship Goal You And Your Partner Needs

Thanks to Facebook and Twitter for these images.

The problem with today’s relationship goals is the fact that most are using it as their own goals… And let’s face it, most of the relationship goals you see on social media are a little bit shallow and short-lived. Yes, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt may have been “Relationship Goals” but what worked for them may not really work for you. If you put your relationship expectations on the the things you see on social media, you could be cheating yourself of real happiness. This will only give you expectations that your partner may not be able to reach, thus could create problems in your relationship that shouldn’t have been there in the first place. For example, you see this #RelationshipGoal photo wherein the girl receives a very expensive jewelry set from her boyfriend and it also comes with a sweet long hand written letter. Girls just melt when it comes to gestures like that and you let out a sigh to release the little fluttering of your heart.


“I wish my boyfriend would do this for me.” You tell yourself and then you decide to give him a hint by sharing the post. Girls, there are guys who can get the hints you drop but they are quite few so it would be better for you to just say it. Back to the example, so you shared the post and your boyfriend didn’t even like the post.

Did he see it? Maybe.

So you keep on waiting and waiting for his surprise. You are always on the look out for when he will whip out a box of expensive jewelry with a handwritten note, but it never happens because that’s not something your boyfriend would do. How will you feel? You’ll feel a pang of jealousy and you’ll start to resent your boyfriend.

“Why can’t he do this for me? It’s not that hard!”

You’ll start comparing your relationship with those that you see online. “Wow! Her boyfriend is so sweet!” You mutter to yourself as you hit the like button. You’ll start to be discontented with the relationship that you have.

However don’t get me wrong, it isn’t bad to have a relationship goal. Sometimes it is even helpful. The important thing to keep in mind is that the two of you should be aware of it and that you should agree to do it together. If your relationship goal is to eventually get married in the future, then shouldn’t your partner at least have a vague idea about that? What if he or she doesn’t want to get married? Good for you if you’ll be able to change your partner’s mind but what if you can’t? Then you won’t be happy in that relationship. Remember though that your relationship goal should not pressure you or stress you out too much but it should motivate you to be better as a partner. The only relationship goal that you and your partner needs is to do whatever it takes to keep the love burning.


The Only Relationship Goal You And Your Partner Needs
With love comes the other things like respect, quality time, tokens of affections or gifts, honesty, and commitment. As a couple, you shouldn’t lose sight of why you both got together in the first place and that is because you have strong feelings for one another. Of course, commitment cannot be based on emotions alone because emotions are constantly changing. Commitment is a decision that a couple has to make daily. For me, that is the best relationship goal that a couple could have. The top priority! So don’t hesitate to communicate what you need from a relationship because it would do wonders! At least then both of you will have an idea on what the other wants and you can think it over whether or not you will be able to fulfill it.
Other people would say that the only relationship goal a couple should have would be to get married. This is not necessarily true for everyone. There are some who don’t really believe in marriage and that’s okay! If you think about it though, marriage simply means that you are both committed to stay together until you die… Or until the day one of you files for a divorce. Hopefully that won’t happen for you!

How do you keep yourself committed in your relationship?

1.) Remember why you are in the relationship in the first place. The sparks eventually go away as both of you falls into a comfortable routine. I know of a person who breaks up with their partner every time the relationship loses it’s spark. If you are in a relationship just for the chase and initial excitement, then don’t expect to be in a long term relationship.

2.) Just because I’m saying that the spark goes away doesn’t mean that you’ll just leave it and do nothing. One of the best things you can do for your relationship is to keep the romance alive. Let your partner know every now and then how much they mean to you or how sexy they looked in their black shirt. Buy them little gifts that remind you of them.

3.) Respect each other. This means no name calling, not saying anything that could bring them down, not embarrassing them in front of other people, etc. This may be hard (I struggle with this too!) but even if you are upset, always try to speak from a place of love.

4.) Be honest to each other. Honesty is still the best policy. Be transparent. He or she is your partner! He or she is your best friend! Talk to each other – and I don’t mean the occasional small talk.

5.) Be affectionate in your words and actions! Leave little notes in their car or bag, grab and hold their hand once in a while…

6.) Resolve any wrinkles. I beg to disagree with that advice that you have to fix everything immediately or to not let the day end while you are both still fighting… That may be true but there are instances wherein both of you should take some time out because the emotions are still high and hazy. This could worsen the argument.

7.) Compromise. Never let it be a lose lose… Because then no one is happy! Always try to meet half-way so that both of you are happy and if both of you are happy, so will the relationship be!
What are your relationship goals with your partner? Would you mind sharing it with us?
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