How Many Dates Before A Relationship

A reader asked: “How many dates should we have before going into an exclusive relationship?” What does it mean when a couple say they are in an exclusive relationship? An exclusive relationship can be easily understood because of the word exclusive. It means there is no one else. The couple are only seeing each other, that’s it. To be in an exclusive relationship means that you are officially in the girlfriend and boyfriend stage. This is usually attained after going on a couple of dates or if you’ve actually known a person.



Personally, I wouldn’t allow myself to be in an exclusive relationship without knowing the person fully well. Having a boyfriend or a girlfriend entails a whole new world of responsibilities, you will have to be there for him or her, go with him or her, plus they can demand things from you such as your time, letting people such as your family and friends know about them, you can’t date other people, etc. But there are also a lot of benefits when you go exclusive. You always have someone to be there for you, listen to you, care for you, hang out with, and just simply have fun with. An exclusive relationship is steady and secure. It allows peace of mind for both parties that they are only seeing each other and no one else.




Back to the question of how many dates, well, I guess it really depends on the persons involved doesn’t it? I know of a cousin of a friend who dated a lot of men before, all of which didn’t work out so when Greg (let’s call him that shall we) started showing signs of wanting to be in a relationship with her, she made the decision. He texted her all the time, called her all the time, and asked to see her all the time. Greg wanted to know her better, and she responded by saying yes to be his girlfriend immediately. You might think that she got tired of all the boyfriends she had in the past, that may be so, but she reasoned that being in a relationship with someone is the perfect way to get to know a person. When a couple is stuck in the stage of courtship, they tend to put their best foot forward which hinders you really getting to know the person. Am I right? Now, I am not sure if they knew each other before they began to exclusively date or not, but if they didn’t then she took a big risk. Lucky for her, it ended up great for they are married now and have two kids.




Meanwhile, I had this friend who wanted to take it really slow so she made the guy wait for three years. They went out on dates and it was really just the label that was missing from the picture. Just when she was about to agree to an exclusive relationship, the guy bailed on her and dated somebody else. Of course, my friend was disappointed and heartbroken. She then learned that no matter how long you let a guy court you, you can’t truly know them. I guess, it was great that she didn’t say yes to him immediately. Maybe he also got tired of waiting. I mean, three years? Come on. The next boyfriend she had took the wheel and courted her, then after a few months, he asked her the question to be his girlfriend. She said yes.



The point here is you say yes to a relationship if you are comfortable of saying yes already. The best thing to do would be to get to know the person first but as I said, in courtship we tend to put our best foot forward so that could be a little hindrance. Listen to your instincts and if something seems to be amiss with the person, delay it. Your gut could be telling you something and you need to listen.



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