Do you know your love language? Have you every heard of the five love languages written in the famous book of Gary Chapman? A lot couples have given their testimonies on how knowing their love language has significantly improved their relationship with their spouse or significant other.
When we get into a relationship, it’s fun. It’s energizing! A bad day can turn into a good day when our special someone messages us something sweet like: “Good morning! I had a great dream about you last night!” or even just a simple: “Hi! How are you?” Suddenly the gray clouds that has been bringing us down has all disappeared and the sun is shining brightly in our lives again. Remember the thrilling feeling when your feelings got reciprocated by your now partner? When they replied: “I love you too!” to your “I love you!” But then, years passed… Now the “I love you too” doesn’t sound as special anymore. You’ve been hearing it for almost seven years now. You know he or she loves you. The spice is gone. The thrill is gone. The spark is gone.
You are left wondering if you are still in love with each other or has it become a routine. Have you gotten used to this person’s presence in your life that you simply can’t imagine a day without him or her but that doesn’t mean that the love is still there? You want to better your relationship. You want to bring back those days wherein you couldn’t get enough of each other? Now, you look at your partner and you wonder, “Am I still loved?”
In Gary Chapman’s book, you will be reading about the Five Languages of love and it will honestly do your relationship good if you are aware of your love language and that of your partner’s love language. After all, it takes two to tango especially romantically. As I said, there are five love languages and these are:
1.) WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
You love poems! You love reading love letters. You love sitting down with your partner and hearing about how much you mean to each other. You enjoy being complimented on how you look and being told that you are appreciated for all the things that you do. You feel connected with your partner after you both express how you feel thru words.
If your partner has this as his love language, be sure to compliment him often. Verbalize how much you love him or how much you are thankful and appreciative of the things that he does.
“I love you! You are the best!”
“Thank you for all that you do. I know it is hard and challenging, and I know you are busy with your work too, but still you do so much for me.”
“I love hanging out with you, even if we just sit beside each other and read our favorite books.”
“You are my favorite person.”
“I feel at home and safe when we are together.”
2.) PHYSICAL TOUCH
Yes, this is about sex but not only about that. Physical touch also includes holding hands, a pat on the shoulder, a tight hug, and a firm comforting hand squeeze when times get tough. This is a non-verbal way of showing our affections. You enjoy cuddling with your spouse. You enjoy walking around the park or the mall while holding hands. You need a hug a day to feel connected with your spouse. You feel that your spouse is acting distant if they aren’t reaching out to hold you or give you a hug.
If your partner’s love language is Physical Touch, be sure to stay physically connected with them most of the time. When you arrive from work, give them a kiss or a hug! When you are leaving to go somewhere, don’t just go without a hug or a kiss. When watching a movie, you can reach out for their hand or let them lean on your shoulder.
Since touch is their love language, never hit them or abuse them physically. Well, this is a general rule but most especially if your spouse is touchy. They associate feeling loved with touch so hitting them or hurting them physically will get a very negative response.
Just, no physical abuse ever.
3.) RECEIVING GIFTS
Yay, who doesn’t like gifts? But those who have receiving gifts as their love language feel most loved when they are remembered through gift giving. Now, it doesn’t have to be expensive but it has to be well-thought of. They enjoy special events like Christmas, Valentines Day, and their Birthdays!
If your spouse likes to receive gifts, your thoughtfulness can go a long way. This means you do not pick out a random gift that you just saw on the counter and you aren’t even sure if they like it. It means you listen and pay attention to the things that they like and try to purchase gifts for them or make gifts for them connected to that. For example, they like animals, particularly Beagles. So when you randomly encounter a Beagle Stuffed Toy in the mall, you purchase it because it reminds them of you. A Beagle mug? Perfect! A Beagle rug? The best!
The gifts tell them that you remember them, you know what they like, and you put effort into purchasing it for them.
4.) QUALITY TIME
Time is gold! The time we spent on someone is something that we can’t get back. Quality time doesn’t mean being in the same house, but your spouse is stuck on a book and not paying attention to you. Quality means uninterrupted, focused, and one on one time.
If you want to better your relationship with your spouse who feels most loved thru spending quality time together, you might want to consider setting aside time in a day even just 45 minutes of uninterrupted catching up. You can also book a staycation in a local hotel or an AirBnb where the two of you can bond together with no interruptions.
Also, please refrain from checking your phone notifications during your uninterrupted quality time.
5.) ACTS OF SERVICE
Now, this doesn’t mean that you are your spouse’s servant, but that you want to help them or lighten their load. Some people feel love when their spouse goes out of their way to make sure that they are comfortable and not having a hard time.
For example, you spouse is swamped with work so you offer to do her laundry for her so she won’t have to do it after work and can just relax. You offer to go cook her lunch or buy food for the two of you so she doesn’t have to worry about it. You offer to help her with her dog.
You will get on your spouse’s bad side if you leave all the work for him or her to do.
Hope this short article will be able to help you somehow better your interaction with your spouse. Remember, to give is to receive! If we want to receive, be sincere in your giving. You and your spouse can take a love language quiz on the internet if you have no idea what your love language is. Note, love languages are the ways on which a person feel MOST loved. You can have all the five love languages but you will have your top two. My advice is for you to focus on your spouse’s top two love language every day so he will always feel loved and won’t doubt your relationship. Good luck!